Occasionally I panic that I will need a heart transplant. That my JW parents won't approve a blood transfusion and will let me die on the table. I need an advanced directive. I might be strong enough emotionally for that now. Before, when I actually needed it, the thought of making decisions about what to do if I'm in various vegetative states was near impossible.

My ejection fraction didn't go up nearly as much as we wanted. And that terrifies me. I can tell I have more energy when I exercise, and not as much bloat in my legs, but it's so hard to get myself moving.

I need to sleep for days. Part of me misses the hospital. The rest and scheduled eating, even though everything is imbued with that hospital flavor. No idea if it's the oil they use or what, but it all tastes the same.

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