Now I just have to convince myself that the above statement actually means anything.
I can't remember if anyone has called me cold-hearted to my face. It seems like someone should have by now, and my memory might be tricking me into thinking someone has finally recognized it.
But I think part of the issue lies in the fact that I'm monogomous in a relationship that doesn't exist. If something happens with anyone, I'll be disappointed that in March, when the man I'm trying to fall out of love with visits, I won't be able to sleep in his arms. I don't want to still be thinking about him if I'm in a relationship with someone else. It's unfair to both of us.
But it's silly, on so many levels. I'll be in Vegas for at least two more years. Probably longer.
I've decided that I need to stop avoiding life experience. This is why I'm going out tonight.
I just secretly hope I fuck it up.