I feel like nothing I do gets me to lose weight. Unless my resting metabolic rate is seriously as low as I've been eating. Cardiac rehab has warned me not to do too much outside of what I do at their gym, but I'm itching so bad to do some major weight lifting again. It's the only thing that ever spiked my metabolism to the point of visible weight loss (except for when I was in the hospital). And they have me doing so much cardio that by the time I lift weights, I don't want to do it. And on Wednesdays, we skip weights entirely to attend a lecture. So I'm only lifting (one set, can't even do multiple sets, and very shoulder-heavy) twice a week.

So I read ED Instagram posts, feel like shit about myself and wonder how they can really eat so much and not explode into a cow like I did.

Fasting is difficult because of my meds. Restricting is difficult because of my heart. And all I really want to do is stuff myself with fast food, anyway.

Trying to find balance in every part of life is depressing as shit.

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