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real animal blood in use
Went to a concert tonight, black metal. A sign on the door stated "REAL ANIMAL BLOOD IN USE". I stood too far away from the stage to really get the full effect.

A man sidled up to me. He had every right to, in those cramped quarters. I doubt he really paid me any mind. But in the corner of my eye, I searched, paranoid that he was D. That he somehow stalked me there.

After he hit me last year, he told me for all he knew, I hit myself to cause the bruising.

He chased me in his car that night. Now every time I see an older silver BMW, I'm on edge and scan the driver if they're visible. An old bottle of booze on the sidewalk will bring me back to that night as well.

I hate myself for ever being with him, and for how committed I was. I'm tired of being reminded of it. He continued to text me until I blocked him. Now, I feel like I can't keep track of him and he could be anywhere. Even though I could never really track him in the first place. It's just paranoia.

Meanwhile, I had trouble finishing my workout at cardiac rehab today. I almost cried twice, seeing how pitiful my little heartbeat looked on the monitor, and again when we were taught CPR.

But one of the nurses complimented me on my Origin shirt and we talked about metal shows a bit. I always like that sort of attention. Metal is the majority of my identity, it feels like, so to have it validated is nice.

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2018-03-15 @ 12:35 a.m.