While also working 40 hours a week. With heart failure. And blood clots. I run the risk of exhaustion and further health problems.
I really should be waiting until the fall. But if it's one thing I learned from collapsing, lips blue, waking up two days later in the hospital with pneumonia and a date for surgery, it's that you never know how much time you have left.
I'm tired of wasting time.
It's relative, in any case. To an extent. If I cut down screen time, read books instead of my Facebook feed, eat with purpose, sip tea by the window... the day goes by a lot slower. It gives me more time.
Our hearts beat about 100,000 times a day. Mine somersaults a bit more than normal, but it's kept me going now for about 122 days, not counting the times I had to be shocked out of tachycardia. I haven't had to be defibrillated in 103 days.
And I want to be a scientist. I'm done fucking around.