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maybe.
i may have really ruined us this time. By not being honest, getting his hopes up.

but he's being an asshole about it. i made a mistake, like i always do. he seems to think i've attacked him "being himself" over a stupid decision when i don't feel like that's the case at all. he's being a bitch about it. but i'm sure that's how he feels about me. i tried to be supportive but he sees it as me lying. i tried not to be scared but what he's doing does not go well with how i want my life to be.

and so i disappointed him. i didn't expect him to want to move out, or say as much, as soon as i opened up about certain things. i expected me to be the one to give him an ultimatum. but i prefer it this way, i think. i would rather it be his decision.

and that's okay, i guess. i don't know if we're right for each other, or if i'm right for anyone.

i need more positivity in my life, and less stress. i need to be able to get through the day without worrying about being arrested. i want him to stop being selfish about this and recognize that it would affect me negatively. and if it's really that important to me then he can live somewhere else.

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2016-01-03 @ 6:54 p.m.