He thinks I expect him to entertain me--it's quite the opposite. I feel like I'm expected to entertain him. That's one of the things I'm embarrassed about. So now I know to stop doing that. That I need to be my own fucking person.
I've said this all along, that I need to he comfortable in my self before I can let someone else in. I knew this, and I thought I finally had a better thing going. But so much for that.
I'm going to ask him to move the computer into the living room. It bothers me in there. Before I would have sucked it up (and I have been) but I don't like it. The end.
I don't want to live in a hobbit hole in the woods. I want a normal house and a normal, yet sustainable, life. I don't want to adopt or have kids. Not right now, anyway. And I don't want to plan as if I MIGHT want something in the future.
He is consistently a dick to me. He mocks me, he assumes he knows what I'm thinking and disrespects me. I'm fucking tired of it. Maybe he thinks I'm disrespecting him in my own way. I get it. I'm working on it, he's working on it, blah blah. But at least I'm not a dick to him.
I'm just exhausted. I'm tired. I don't want him to be there when I get home. I just want to sleep in my own damn bed alone.