I like the quietness of it. The laziness.
What I do not enjoy, however, is the inability to fully embrace it. And I think that's why I came back to Las Vegas. I wanted time to really relax and sink into the depression. I couldn't handle working anymore, and not going to school. Six years ago I still thought that would solve everything.
But now I seem to think being thin will solve everything, even though it didn't solve a damn thing six years ago when I was 115 pounds and still miserable. And I have absolutely no self control in my eating habits right now.
The thought is there anyway. I don't respond to logic, never have.
I've been drawing runes on my arms and clutching crystals, hoping to ground myself and channel some kind of good energy, even if it's just a placebo.
In two weeks, it's over. Regardless. Two. mother. fucking. weeks.