In the meantime, I've been rethinking my aesthetics and habits and preferences and everything. My nails are pink, my wallet is grey and pink, my computer theme is more girly, even this layout is more frilly and artsy than I'd usually prefer. I'm re-decorating my room and would like to overhaul my wardrobe.
I realize how much I care about what others think of me. I am a different person around everyone, depending, not necessarily because I'm afraid to offend (though I do swear like a sailor at times) but because I worry about whether or not I'll be accepted. And I'm beginning to realize that I'll be accepted no matter what (or when I'm down I realize I'll never be accepted no matter what). So I'm just going to think and feel and do and wear and decorate however I want.
Why on god's green earth did it take this long to figure that out?
I have another blog over at Livejournal that I use mostly to keep in touch with long-time internet friends, but post in a few times a week. I fear I've said too much there, and I'd like to close that down, even if it's only temporarily. This place is all right, because it's mostly anonymous -- most of my readers don't know a whole lot about me. And that's good. Very good.
In any case, I have a paper due at 1am tonight and I have no idea what I'm writing about yet.