M will be in town in three months, and he wants to see me. I've already cried over it, and I wish July were here so we could just get it over with, but I am trying to be a "strong" person and am trying not to dwell on what will happen to me emotionally.
But it feels like everything I've worked on since I last saw him eight months ago is crumbling, and I associate him with self-destruction. I don't want to self-destruct again.