I feel a plan forming again. I suppose the plan never changed, but I'm not blind to it anymore. This is good. This means hope has returned.
But good lord, that was an ugly spell.
There are hardly any parishes here that have a Traditional Latin High Mass. Only one, I think, in Henderson, and I'm not sure if they do it in Latin. I'd like to go on Sunday, regardless. It's a good opportunity, as the family won't be here.
I think the only hope I have in ever being a religious person is, ironically, to become firm in my atheism. This makes perfect sense to me.
I think I'm coming up with shoddy logic in other aspects of myself in order to ignore the real issues. I'm definitely well aware of the "real" issues, as I consciously struggle with them every day, but I'm dancing around it all with logic. I already know that this isn't the way I learn anything of substance. (Mentally, yes, it's how I understand it, but I'm trying to figure out how I can affect my behavior with logic. This continues to boggle me.)
I'm hoping my family leaves before dawn, so I can go see the sun rise. I suppose I can do that on Sunday, if they haven't left yet.